3P’s a sad villain, once Prince Valiant
Cuz I’m firin torpedoes and I aim at any vent
Nose in twenty books, but he can’t get panties wet
Take my rook to his queen, yeah I’ll raise the ante bet
You Dr. Orpheus? Well I’m the OutRider
Ace of hearts in my sleeve makes a full house inside her
Gandalf with the magic in her privatest matters
Bilbo’s your backup, the unlikeliest rapper
Literary cuckold, degradin erotica
I’m ice on your dick, straight-up cold-cockin ya
With Tae bo and Shaq Fu, I’m Jailhouse Rockin ya
Spittin dragon breath, “eat this Count Chocula!”
In this battle you’d be better off bringin your shovel
To facilitate your burial, sinkin in rubble
I’ll dance on your grave, do the freestyle shuffle
Wanting more muffled screams, never gettin enuffle

(hook)

Got you trapped in a net, I’m the cur at your neck
Drag you out of Eat House, bitin’ curb in a sec
On the real you’re my homie, yeah I call you large Jess
I ain’t stingy with words, try my verbal largess
Your Vinnie’s old hat cuz my version’s out
Nazi Kenyan in the office cuz we crowned a kraut
Build walls with your bones, to keep Persians out
Repel them cuz you smell like a thousand trout
You’re a paterfamilias with a vomitous flow (the family father with a nauseating flow)
Expectorate magniloquent and meretriciously so (he uses flowery, pretty, yet meaningless words)
They appear as afflatus, but inconsequential (it sounds deep but has no meaning)
Luring dupes to ya nugatory somnolent show (charms dummies into going to his valueless, sleep-inducing show)
My panoply of skill impels sensible nutation (my various skills get people noddin their heads, and rightfully so)
Your girl wanna retch from your genital mutation (his girl pukes when he sees his jacked-up dilz)
(SMEGMA), hence hebdomary copulation (smegma present = d wet no more than once a week)
She yearns most of all for penile excoriation (she wants to scrub the skin off his dick) (so she won’t have to smell it no mo’)

The beat: Jess has fairly severe photophobia (sensitivity to light). As a result, he's rarely seen not wearing sunglasses of some kind.

3P’s a sad villain, once Prince Valiant
Cuz I’m firin torpedoes and I aim at any vent
Death*Star, known for sad villain songs. Jess once had a haircut that made him look like Prince Valiant.
... the torpedoes line is a fragment from editing where I made a reference to killing the Death Star and in my haste I didn't notice this no longer made sense.

Nose in twenty books, but he can’t get panties wet
Take my rook to his queen, yeah I’ll raise the ante bet
He reads a lot and was a notorious player for a while. "Rook" is a reference to something I'm not sure he's made public or wants made public yet.

You Dr. Orpheus? Well I’m the OutRider
Ace of hearts in my sleeve makes a full house inside her
I compared DS to the Order of the Triad in Round 3 of "Make 3P listen to nerdcore." Orpheus' wife left him for the OutRider, which I use to segue into a reference to his song Ace of Hearts and play that into a poker-hand/sex punch.

Gandalf with the magic in her privatest matters
Bilbo’s your backup, the unlikeliest rapper
Because Ace of Hearts is basically a how-to on having sex with his woman, I can work my magic like Gandalf, which leads into comparing Cos to Bilbo (whom the ring fell to--the unlikeliest of creatures).

Literary cuckold, degradin erotica
I’m ice on your dick, straight-up cold-cockin ya
The cold-cocking punch just popped in my head all of a sudden, so I used "erotica" and a ten-dollar word describing what I had just written to transition.

With Tae bo and Shaq Fu, I’m Jailhouse Rockin ya
Spittin dragon breath, “eat this Count Chocula!”
To cut a long long story short: In a fictional TV show starring C0s, 3P, and other members of the Shire, there's an episode where C0s defends earth from an alien invasion by developing his own martial art that's a combination of Tae Bo, Shaq Fu, Jailhouse Rock, the dance from Thriller, and something else.

In a game of Hunter: the Reckoning, Jess' character (think a World of Darkness version of Michael Chiklis) jumped from a moving van during the climax of the campaign (where they were all supposed to die), shoved a shotgun with Dragon's Breath rounds into the lead vampire's mouth, and screamed "EAT THIS COUNT CHOCULA" before pulling the trigger.

In this battle you’d be better off bringin your shovel
To facilitate your burial, sinkin in rubble
In the aforementioned Shire TV show, Jess' character is the greatest fighter in the world (nobody questions it) and he fights with a shovel.

I’ll dance on your grave, do the freestyle shuffle
Wanting more muffled screams, never gettin enuffle
A few ciphers ago, Klop was lit the fuck up and started doing this hilarious side-to-side swaying dance while he rapped. He also used the word "enuffle" to rhyme something which I found fuckin hilarious.

Got you trapped in a net, I’m the cur at your neck
Drag you out of Eat House, bitin’ curb in a sec
Jess' character in my D&D campaign is named Cur. Eat House is a running/inside jokes from the D&D campaign he ran for a while.

On the real you’re my homie, yeah I call you large Jess
I ain’t stingy with words, try my verbal largess
... self explanatory I guess

Your Vinnie’s old hat cuz my version’s out
Nazi Kenyan in the office cuz we crowned a kraut
Build walls with your bones, to keep Persians out
Repel them cuz you smell like a thousand trout
Fake Vinnie Paz is a popular and common game played at cipher night.

Also, the first truly memorable Fake Vinnie Paz was freestyled by Jess the night we came up with it: "I BUILT GIZA IN A DAY, YOU CAN'T FIGURE ME OUT / I HIT YOU WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND TROUT"

the last 8 bars
3P is known to be rather... verbose.

Honestly, the fact that the last 8 ended up saying anything at all was a complete accident. I'd intended to say a lot of words without saying anything besides maybe "I'm good at rapping, you're not" or even less if possible. Welp;